Zookeeper opens with natural equestrian Kevin James riding into shot accompanied by a character whom we shall refer to as The Nasty Girl (Leslie Bibb). Kevin James is in the middle of an elaborate marriage proposal to The Nasty Girl - a good-looking, materialistic perfectionist - who, for the purposes of this film, we are required to believe would ever have been seen dead with him. Over the ensuing 102 minutes, Kevin James will learn valuable life lessons about whether it is better to be with The Nasty Girl or The Nice Girl (Rosario Dawson), who, like him, works at the zoo and loves animals.
In order for this simple lesson to take 102 minutes of our lives, there has to be a gimmick. This film's gimmick is that the animals in the zoo where Kevin James works are sentient beings who can speak English. Presumably they have masochistic tendencies too, given they are perfectly happy to live in captivity and fervently love their jailor with all the misplaced ardour of a textbook Stockholm Syndrome case. Instead of choosing to escape, the animals use their intelligence to help Kevin James make himself more appealing to the ladies. Naturally they do this by giving him the exact tips they themselves would favour when trying to snare a mate. Naturally, Kevin James follows their advice. Naturally, shenanigans ensue.
Once we begin to entertain this wild premise, it's hard not to feel the five brilliant writers credited as working on this script have sold their own concept a little short. Would a man who is apparently prepared to piss in plant pots at the behest of a talking wolf really balk at taking things further? Male hippos, during the mating season, are known to crap themselves and use their tail to fling their poo about in the hopes of attracting a lady. If this film had any balls whatsover, Kevin James would have taken advice from a hippo. Or from a bed bug, which doesn't bother with reproductive organs, but punches a random hole in the stomach of the female before inseminating her. Or, for a spectacular finale, Kevin James could mimic the Brown Antechinus, a mouse-type creature that ensures its genes are passed on by having so much sex it eventually dies of low energy, ulcers and parasites. There's the ending I was waiting for, Kevin James.
Verdict
Zookeeper suffers from trying to be all things to all mainstream audiences. Kids will be bored stiff by the protracted romance, while most human adults will find the talking animals witless.
In order for this simple lesson to take 102 minutes of our lives, there has to be a gimmick. This film's gimmick is that the animals in the zoo where Kevin James works are sentient beings who can speak English. Presumably they have masochistic tendencies too, given they are perfectly happy to live in captivity and fervently love their jailor with all the misplaced ardour of a textbook Stockholm Syndrome case. Instead of choosing to escape, the animals use their intelligence to help Kevin James make himself more appealing to the ladies. Naturally they do this by giving him the exact tips they themselves would favour when trying to snare a mate. Naturally, Kevin James follows their advice. Naturally, shenanigans ensue.
Once we begin to entertain this wild premise, it's hard not to feel the five brilliant writers credited as working on this script have sold their own concept a little short. Would a man who is apparently prepared to piss in plant pots at the behest of a talking wolf really balk at taking things further? Male hippos, during the mating season, are known to crap themselves and use their tail to fling their poo about in the hopes of attracting a lady. If this film had any balls whatsover, Kevin James would have taken advice from a hippo. Or from a bed bug, which doesn't bother with reproductive organs, but punches a random hole in the stomach of the female before inseminating her. Or, for a spectacular finale, Kevin James could mimic the Brown Antechinus, a mouse-type creature that ensures its genes are passed on by having so much sex it eventually dies of low energy, ulcers and parasites. There's the ending I was waiting for, Kevin James.
Verdict
Zookeeper suffers from trying to be all things to all mainstream audiences. Kids will be bored stiff by the protracted romance, while most human adults will find the talking animals witless.
Director: Frank Coraci
Writers: Nick Bakay (screenplay), Rock Reuben (screenplay), and 5 more credits »
Stars: Kevin James, Rosario Dawson and Leslie Bibb
Genres: Comedy | Family | Romance
Release Date: 8 July 2011 (USA)
